ramblings and self evaluation
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2004-02-01
OK, I've got a lot on my mind right now so I'm just going to sit here and spill it all.

I was talking to Larry not too long ago and he is all like changing his career and doing things. He said that it's time that he find someone and settle down. At first I was all "settle down"? No way. But then he was like, "yeah, I think it's that time in life where you have to stop living like you are in college still." And I said to him, "Larry, I'm older than you by almost a whole year." Then I actually realized that I turn 26 in two weeks. Fuck. When did my life escape me? I know that I've made progress from last year. I've moved out of my parent's house. That is key point number one. I've lost about 35lbs since last year this time. Definite point number 2. What else? Well, nothing. I'm in more debt. I still have my computer on a card table. I am still a secretary. And I have been unable to maintain a boyfriend for more than 3 months at a time. I suck.

So I've been thinking this weekend. What do I need to get where I want to be?? What can I work on now? So I've found a few things. 1) getting real furniture. It's a huge point of growing up. It's making an investment on my future (in a round about way). It's saying, I'm not moving any time soon (to college, from college) so I don't have to worry about moving big pieces of crap. So, I bought a dresser today. I won't be living out of tupperware anymore. It was $120 and matches my wardrobe. It's being delivered tomorrow. I'm very excited. I still need to purchase a desk and desk chair. Along with other assorted things like picture frames and shit to pull my whole room ensemble together. 2) getting out of debt. Granted I won't be able to pay off my college loan this year, but I CAN pay off my credit cards and probably my computer (provided I don't end up owing like $1000 in taxes). So I will whittle away at those. Pay the smaller ones off first and then leave them at home PERMANENTLY. Victoria's Secret is first. Then NY&Co. Then the computer. Then my Mastercard. Then I will just have the school loan. And that will be a good thing. 3) I want to lose the rest of the weight. Granted, I don't have much more to go and the last couple are always the hardest... but I am determined that after hell time is over at work (after President's Day) I will be going to the gym regularly. I hate that I'm still 147lbs and get winded walking to work. That shouldn't happen. I'm out of shape and that sucks. I think that after I have those three key points under control I will be better off. Then I can work on my career and my love life (or lack thereof).

There is a lot personally and emotionally I have to work on too. They are much harder to handle than just saving money and losing weight. And I know I can't tackle them in just a year. BUT, knowing that the three points I plan to work on between now and 2/15/05 are under control, I will be in a better place to start tackling the larger things: like not being a maniac in a relationship or having enough self-confidence to go back and get my Master's Degree.

Yes. So, this is my plan for the year. If anyone has any input, please feel free to IM me.

Ciao chickiepies.